Memo
From: An “Overweight” Corporation
To: Mommy
Re: CJ&D Bullying - Again!
Date: All the Time
Waaah Mommy! They are doing it again. Please make them stop!
Those meanies at the Center for Justice & Democracy keep putting out stuff about the media’s hyped-up coverage of civil jury verdicts, the ones that are almost always reduced but never covered in the news when they are - and thank goodness! Don't we want people to think everyone's running to court for no reason and collecting boatloads of money? You know, like that greedy grandma in the McDonald’s coffee case, who “won” millions of dollars for spilling coffee on herself? So what that she was hospitalized with skin grafts, that McDonald's knew their coffee was as hot as a car radiator and had already scalded at least 700 people, that the verdict was slashed by the judge and then she settled for even less. Who needs to know that? What does that accomplish? Besides, we've already got a problem with that Hot Coffee documentary and we know that everyone in America watches documentaries. How else would we know about Snooki?
Me and my friends, we’re the ones getting beat up. Corporations never get a fair shake. That guy at my favorite preschool adventure center, the Manhattan Institute, he knows. Ask him. Like he sorta says, the insurance industry is constantly paying out money to settle frivolous claims. Everyone who has ever filed a claim with an insurance company knows that! And the news never reports when me and my friends win our big cases. (Actually, let’s leave U.S. Supreme Court decisions out of it. We’ve won too many of them, like here, here. Maybe no one will notice.)
All I know is that I am sick of being bullied by those meanies at the Center for Justice & Democracy. Who cares that they’re tiny? I’m telling you, they use weapons, like frightful books by Washington State law professors who back up their research.
I’m a person, Mommy! At least I think I am. I don’t deserve this. Do I?
UPDATE: That guy at my favorite preschool adventure center, the Manhattan Institute, is trying to re-argue that McDonald’s case again - in a blog! Yay! Maybe this time we'll win. Who cares that the jury didn’t believe us the first time, that the judge and jury both rejected our version of "facts", and that the judge, in refusing to grant a new trial, called McDonald's behavior “callous.” I don't wanna stop whining about this, OK! Just please don't call us "snark." That's just rude.
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